Race & Ethnicity

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I am a white man that grew up in white suburbia. Throughout my younger days and on through high school, other than one or two, I did not grow up with anybody of a different race or ethnicity. I have known a lot of people growing up that were prejudiced against people that don’t look like they do. I’ve heard some pretty warped views on race and some real ignorant remarks made about people of a different race and ethnicity, but those kinds of things have always seemed mean and unjustified. Maybe it was my upbringing. My parents are former hippie-types who came of age in the ‘peace, love, and happiness’ times of the 60’s. They always impressed upon us the need to treat people the way we wanted to be treated-to accept one another. There is a lot you can learn from people who are unlike you. But, like I said, I grew up in a small town in white suburbia Ohio.  It wasn’t until I ventured off to college and into the real world that I began to meet all kinds of different people. 

To me, what makes life interesting IS how different we all are. It is always intriguing to learn about different cultures and ways of life. I try not to stereo-type or judge a book by it’s cover, but rather open that book and take the time to see what is inside. When you give something or someone have a chance, they may just turn out to surprise you. 

 

Family, childhood memories and identity

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When I think back to my earliest days, the first memory of my life I can remember was when I was about four. My mother, sister and I were having dinner at our house where I grew up, in Chardon, Ohio. I recall my father coming by in the middle of dinner. What was strange to me was that he was not eating dinner with us in the first place. At the time, I don’t think, at four years old, I could grasp the concept of separation or divorce-which my parents had just recently gone through. I imagine he was there to pick us up for his weekend to be with us. What’s kind of weird to me is that I don’t remember any times when my parents were married. I must of erased them from my memory. I can’t be certain, but I think it’s because they fought a lot. I guess when a kid is at age four such as myself, and my little sister is at age two, you don’t really want to remember things like that. Too painful, i guess.

From then on, I’ve always had a warped view of marriage. The concept to me seems cruel and unusual. In my mind, two people that are bound together by it will eventually unravel, and destroy anything around it that they cared about. Because of what my family went through when I was young, it left that kind of impression on me, for better or worse. Worse in this case. It’s funny how things that you go through and experience in life effect you. 

Don’t get me wrong, my parents are good people. They definitely were always there for my sister and I. They always have been in our lives, and they taught us the right way to be and act as people in the civilized world. For that I am very thankful. But when I was young, I didn’t always follow the rules. 

I think from coming from a broken home, it made me feel inside that I should guard my feelings. Never let anyone in. For some reason, I think I felt that if I did let someone in, I would end up getting hurt in some way. But at the same time, every kid wants to be loved and paid attention to. So when I was young I would act out in certain ways, either with trying to be funny to hide my insecurities or getting into to trouble-shopping lifting, vandalism. fighting, smoking and drinking, and things such as those. I think for a long time, I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin, and to a degree, I think I still am not completely.

I struggle with my identity. It’s kind of hard for me to pinpoint who exactly I am as a man. Sometimes I over-think things in my mind about what type of person I am. Am I a good person? A bad person? I’ve made so many mistakes in life and those type of things way on me. Is a person all the things that he or she has ever done in their lives? Or are they the person they are striving to be? What defines us as people? All these questions I am still trying to answer. But for maybe the first time in my life, I am pretty certain that I am heading down the right path. I think I am evolving as a man, and I am trying to better myself. In my mind, that is what life is all about. I just hope I have the strength and courage to realize the life I want. One positive-thinking day at a time.